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Cooking Mama 3 makes me want to punt old ladies.

December 12, 2010

This was supposed to be mostly a movie blog, but screw it. I play just as many games as I watch movies if not more. No, I shouldn’t say that because I watch a lot of movies, but I do play way more games than the average person.

This post is about Cooking Mama 3: Shop & Chop and how goddamn frustrating it is. This review from Gametrailers sums up my thoughts well, but with one major difference. I believe the new shopping portion of the game is very fun. It is worth noting that never has a Cooking Mama game made me string expletives in the way that this minigame does, though. In particular whenever you accidentally run into one of the freakishly fast grannies that can’t seem to do anything for themselves.

Basically, whenever you, or more likely they, run into you the screen changes to this clearly distressed old lady screaming for your help. This “help” that she needs is filling her basket with an enormous amount of what looks like differently colored potato chips in green, pink and black bags. Not too bad, right? Well, she wants you to do it in a certain order and in a certain amount of time, otherwise she gets angry. I’m half expecting her to start smacking my character with a cane for putting in a green bag instead of a black one at the time specified… the crazy, OCD, bipolar bitch…

If I was really helping her, I’d be taking the massive amount of chips away from her and replacing them with prunes or something.

Worse than the psycho grannies is the part afterward where, if you move the wrong way in the short space of time where everyone is frozen in place, she’ll run into you again and ask for more f%&*ing chips!

I hope she chokes or has a heart attack.* That is all.

* Remember, people (?), this is a fictional character. I’m sure real old ladies wouldn’t yell at you to fill their baskets with vast quantities of salty fried potato crisps.

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