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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pt. 2 Review: A Day

July 23, 2011

You know, in all of the midnight movie premiers I’ve been to, none have been a Harry Potter movie.  I’ve gotten the books on the first day and in the case of the last book finished it in the first day, but when it came to the movies, I’ve never put out that extra effort to see them on a midnight screening or even the opening day.  I don’t know why seeing that the first two movies are what got me to read the first five books.  This time was different, though.  This was the last chance to see a midnight show of Harry Potter with this cast and Jesus and I weren’t going to miss it.

I was already at a disadvantage this time because it was showing a week before I thought it would which meant a couple of days before I had to rush to arrange how I would get to and from the right location.  That wasn’t a big deal, but when the day came, that was another story.

Chi and I were at my apartment with no internet access for six days.  SIX DAYS!  That’s like an eternity for a shut in like myself.  By the time that Thursday had come around, we had had the internet for a couple of days, so I had my fix for the time being.  That said, I was all ready to go.

I had woken up early because Chi’s grandma was supposed to be there at 10:00AM to pick us up and I still had packing to do for what was supposed to be an overnight trip.  I gathered up my secondary computer, old 21″ LCD TV, clothes and what little electronics I was going to bring with me by 9:30AM.

It wasn’t until 1:00PM that we finally got picked up and started heading to our destination.  That was fine, though.  that would still give me enough time to take a nap when I got back so I could easily make the midnight mark.

Well, that turned out to just be a dream since I went to my dad’s to ask where I should put the computer which I was giving to him and ended up staying there until the time Jesus was coming to pick me up.  Sleep would become a persistent enemy on this outing.

When we arrived at the theater, there were four lines for the different shows.  We settled on one line and began the wait.  There was usual banter about premiers of old and what was going on in the world of entertainment/games, but then someone who worked at the theater came to divide the line in two so the theater numbers were separated.  It turned out that we were in the wrong line the whole time.  Instead of being near the front, we went to the very back of the line on the other side of the theater.  This would prove to be closer to the middle of the line once more people arrived, but still.  That kind of sucked.  Well, what really sucked were the assholes that were in front of us saying stupid shit as we peacfully left, but whatever.  Dicks will be dicks.

As the time was drawing near, the theater let us in to be more comfortable…

I’ll have to tell you eventually, so I might as well say it now.  I went to a therapist a while back who said she thought I had Asperger’s Syndrome and should get medication for it.  Being the cheap bastard I am, I never went to see the phychiatrist to get it though.  Needless to say, the social anxiety kicked in right away as the theater filled.

We sat on the second row from the top, all the way to the right.  A perfect view of how f’ing packed that place was.  It wasn’t completely full, but it was still too full for my tastes.

There were a couple of girls sitting behind us when we sat down, but not much later another person came in.  He was obviously drunk and started chatting with these two girls who he named Tupac and Biggie.  They were calling him… uh… the guy that played George Bluth in arrested development.  Can’t remember his name right now and I have no internet access. (I’m actually waiting at a train station with no internet access while I write this particular section.)

This guy is the happiest person in the world it would seem, but he has one small problem.  He is not homosexual.

Why is this a problem?  Because he’s OBVIOUSLY gay.  No straight man would feel the need to proclaim to complete strangers that he’s not gay fifty times in thirt minutes.  I mean, if you’re going to be gay, be gay.

After listening to him utter drunk nonsense which is just making my stomach ache worse, I finally turned around and told him, “Look, you’re obviously gay.  It’s ok.  Just accept it.  I know you said that one time it’s not gay if it’s just a handjob, but it is.  You love dick. (mimes sucking a huge dick and making the nom nom nom sound).”

His response was to drunkenly say that I’m bald to which I told him I had just shaved it earlier that night.  We went on to have a back and forth conversation on why is is/is not gay for a while after, but things didn’t really get interesting until I said he looked like Jimmy Kimmel to which he was not amused.  In fact, not one person in that area saw it, so I had to get STEEN!!! to bring up a picture on his phone, then they agreed.

Oh, sweet, sweet victory, how I love you so.

The time passed and I was getting sicker and sicker, but this was Harry Potter.  I was going to stick through it until the end.

The movie finally started and after what felt like an eternity of previews, the film started.  A georgeous shot of the dementors floating around hogwarts and Snape peering off into the distance.  That shot alone shows how far David Yates has come as a director in these movies.  In fact, the whole film is brilliantly shot.  I mean, some stuff like Voldemort and Bellitrix turning to confetti was a little much, but the actual way they were shot was beautiful.  I applaud you, Mr. Yates.

I’m not going to go into details abut the plot.  If you have read the books, you know what to expect and you probably won’t be disappointed and if you haven’t seen the movie but have seen the rest, what are you waiting for?  There’s no need to fear about them messing it up.

My only gripe with the movie is the Bieber cut Albus Severus Potter had at the end.  Dear lord that was bad.

The other thing I didn’t like was that about halfway through the movie, I had to leave the theater because it got to the point where it felt like I was going to throw up on Jesus and I’m sure he wouldn’t have liked that.  Although, I don’t know what he’s into, so he might have.

After the movie which was able to keep me awake, he were going to make a Robertito’s run since they’re open twenty-four hours and have awesome Mexican food.  When we got there at about 3:00AM, they were closed!  What’s up with that?!  So, instead of ending a great night out with friends with Robertito’s, STEEN!!! went through the drive-thru at Carl’s Jr. and they got burgers.  I didn’t get one because that particular Carl’s Jr. shut down my favorite Taco Bell.

When I got dropped off, I hit the bed and woke up early the next day to go up to a cattle ranch to mend a fence that a bull broke through.

What a day.

The film, if you didn’t guess from the paragraph I actually wrote about it is great.  It was so good, in fact, that I saw it again this past weekend with my nephew who also loved it.

I give it five out of five Elder Wands.

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